The Madrasta is also a Daughter

I asked the Lord for more time with my Dad and He granted my prayer. He almost died last year but the family was given a chance to be with him, to love him more and to tell him the things we always wanted him to know (which I knew he always also wanted to hear.)

In my head, I have a list of things I still want to do with him, a list of thoughts I want to tell him. While he cheated death, he is now bedridden, his whole left body side already paralyzed and more often than not, his thoughts are woozy. So, it’s not really easy to accomplish the list of things I want to do with him. I could have done them when he was still up and about but hey, life happens. We tend to ignore what is right before us sometimes. Yes, I may be limited in terms of activities with him now but I refuse to dwell on what can no longer be done. I choose to embrace the time and the chance to share more with him.

He can recognize me. He can hear me. There are a lot of times when he talks to me about the future, about his dreams for his grandchildren and about his past. In a very long time, he can now pray with me. His favorite prayer is Hail Holy Queen. There are certain things that make him happy and give him comfort like Andok’s siopao, Tipa’s hopia, Energen (which he calls Milo rice) and Milo itself. He likes being wiped with a wet towellete and being moved in his bed from time to time. I cannot imagine life being confined to a hospital bed ’til God-knows-when so I understand, how these little comforts bring hope and faith to him.

Today, my husband Dave and I went to Bambang, Manila. It is known to be the mecca of medical supplies in the metro. Adult diapers, hospital beds, wheelchairs, non-surgical gloves,hospital equipment,  caregiving supplies — you name it, they have it.

My mission was to finally buy an egg mattress. It looks like this…

This is said to bring comfort to a bedridden patient as it helps circulate blood, promotes joint support and provides even and all-around support. It is inexpensive as prices range from Php 800.00 – 1100.00. In Bambang, I was acquainted with this kind of mattress which is known to help care for bedridden patients:

This is called an air mattress, a buoyant inflatable mattress. Compared to the regular egg crate mattress, this is pressurized by a machine, designed to run for 24 hours with the air being distributed. Its alternating air pressure provides for more movement for the patient. Each unit may cost around Php 5,000.00 (depending on the brand) which comes with a free repair kit should the inflatable bed be pricked or something. It comes with a 6 month warranty, but only for the machine. I was pretty excited by this though I postponed considering it an option. I wanted to see how my Dad will first react to a regular egg mattress. It’s a good idea to consult our doctor about equipments like this too.

So, I ended up buying this yellow mattress, along with a few supplies — diapers, non-surgical gloves, cleaning wipes and a nebulizer.

I am hoping the bright, sunny color helps.

Bambang is really a good place to visit if you are in need of caregiving supplies. Always canvass before purchasing. There’s always a best price and a lot of options. Do your canvass in a block or two. You can find the Bambang, Manila map here.

I have never known about stuff like this until my father’s year round hospital bouts. Now, I know. I am familiar with certain medications, the most affordable prices in medical supply shops and drugstores and procedures in hospitals and relating with doctors too. It’s not a fun experience but it squeezes your innermost strength to take it all in just when you think you have no more to give. Then, you learn to be more grateful about living, about loving.

Tomorrow, I go home to spend time my father with the egg mattress as my present! I hope it adds to the little comforts that he has now.

 

Madrasta Annoyed: Questions You Shouldn’t Ask A Stepdaughter

Last week, I welcomed my stepdaughter Frances back to my arms as she came from a two week vacay in Cebu. It was her was first vacation trip alone with a friend. Her Dad had allowed her because she was invited by one of our very good family friends. She’s friends with their daughter too so it was easy to decide. I thought that it was a good time for her to go because she can practice traveling on her own. I can see her being a globe trotter someday!

When I saw her emerge from the airport exit with her trolley at hand, my heart had a big smile. What a wonderful homecoming until she asked me,”Mom, is it okay if Tita Glenda (our friend) asked me about Mommy (her biological mom)?” I took a pause. “What did she ask?,” I said. She hesitated but said, “She asked where mommy was, how many siblings do I have and who does mommy live with now.” I felt my shoulders slump, “…and what did you say?” Apparently, she told our friend her whole story, even if only knew bits and pieces of the story. I could tell she was bothered.

In my mind. I went, Why did you have to ask Frances those questions!??! If you were interested, you should have asked me! Or her dad! Why are you interested? Out of curiosity? I’m unsure if it’s not out of concern. You’re a mom too. You were supposed to know better that to ask those delicate questions to a 12-year old adolescent who is trying her best to believe that things are really normal with the family she is growing up with! I didn’t expect this from you! 

But instead, I told Frances, “It was not right for Tita Glenda to ask you those questions. Next time, if you feel that you’re not comfortable answering questions like that, tell them I’m sorry but I don’t think I can answer your questions now. You are not obliged to explain yourself to anybody, Frances.You only share parts of yourself when you feel you really want to.” And then I saw her cry a little.

That broke my heart and my mind again went How could you ask her? In front of your daughter even? That’s so irresponsible and insensitive of you, Glenda!I didn’t expect this. I could imagine when she asked Frances, “How many siblings do you have?” There might have been a tug of war in my daughter’s head, counting one by one her siblings with her mom and with her dad. Then again, maybe it’s just me.

True, I really did not anticipate this. I entrusted my daughter to her. And she asked those kind of questions suddenly? A part of me can’t help but think it’s all for the juicy-ness of it. When I allowed Frances to be with them for a few weeks, I didn’t think there’d be any of this. Before she left, I gave her reminders about her laundry, her money, her eating habits, her share of household chores. Never did this possibility cross my mind. I used to be careful about this but things are getting sort of ‘normal’ for my blended family that I forgot. Then, I realize that Frances and the other children will have more of this as they grow. I don’t know yet how to deal with it but I’ll be finding ways on how to help in making things easier for them, for sure.

 

Today’s Version of “Sweet Dreams” Romance Novels

Do you remember how you used to curl up in your room with a high school romance novel in hand? Do you remember how after finishing a love story in one sitting, you close the book with that giddy, ‘kilig’ feeling and a winsome smile on your face? Do you remember these?

How Sweet Dreams inspired our high school imagination!

Here’s missing Jessica and Elizabeth of the Sweet Valley High series…do you remember your favorite?

Don’t you miss these high school reads?

In high school, we excitedly traded novels with our classmates, wanting to read every single title of the series. We imagined how the hero is all dashing and handsome according to our “type.” We had our favorite titles.

My daughter is not much of a reader but lately, I notice how she would spend hours reading these…

Are these the “Sweet Dreams” of today’s generation?

I scanned through the books and found that it was indeed today’s version of yesterday’s high school romance novels. She is now in the phase of being introduced to the world of romance. I remember learning a lot about love and heartbreak through these stories. I know that Frances is about to experience the same.

Here are a few fast facts on today’s romance novels that your might find your daughter reading:

These books are called ‘Pop Fiction’ books. The more popular carrier of these is Summit Media. A lot of the stories are made popular by Wattpad, a social platform where people share stories. Some titles were first known and made popular in this platform. Publishers like Summit Media has brought it to paperback. The major difference today is technology. Where as before, we waited for stocks straight from the US to hit National Bookstore or Goodwill Bookstore, romance novels are so accessible today for our daughters.

The book covers display Japanese anime-themed characters. This does not appeal to me but it seems to be a hit with today’s generation. My daughter even buys Manga illustration books in her attempt to draw these anime-inspired heroines.

These titles are available online and traditional bookstores. Paperback copies are priced from Php 175.00 – Php 250.00 while online editions are priced higher. For instance a title at Amazon fetches at $15.00. Some titles used to be free in story sharing sites but has been copyrighted since it signaled marketability thus its price tag.

Title authors come from all walks of life. I found out that some titles were written by unknown, young novelists. That really impressed me. Before, we knew of the names Francine Pascal (of Sweet Valley High) or Janet Quinn Harkin (of Sweet Dreams). Today, there are a lot of authors given that much-needed break.

Because authors are Filipinos, the books are a mix of English and Filipino language. I was surprised at this because I was used to reading books using straight English but I saw the importance of incorporating the Filipino language. It makes the experience more real.

Titles are potentially transformed into pop movies. Think, “Diary ng Panget, The Movie.” (Frances and I saw this together. I’ll soon write about it.) These full-length commercial films are top-billed by today’s mainstream pop icons. Think Daniel Padilla and Kathryn Bernardo.

My princess is now growing her collection. I appreciate that she now reads voraciously, even if these books are easy reads. It helps in my attempt to inspire her appreciation for reading. I was hoping she would read more “relevant” reading materials but this may be the start. If during her childhood, she didn’t get there. She might just appreciate reading this time. My homework is now to read at least one pop fiction book. I have a feeling reading one will help me know my daughter better. Also, I need to satisfy my curiosity…to what extent are the kissing scenes go? What is the context of today’s high school love stories? I’ll make sure to share it here, as soon as I find out.